Relatedness: More than Shaking Hands

You are mingling at a work related social luncheon where you vaguely know one other person. The MC begins an icebreaker activity that involves shaking multiple hands and introducing yourself as an animal.

So... are you suddenly covered in sweat, ready to break for the door or ruffling your feathers like a Turkey and ready to roam the room?

This type of scenario showcases the R in SCARF, the relatedness you feel or don’t feel when engaging with others.  (For more on SCARF see our Brain Engagement blog).

People are different in their reactions. Whether you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert may influence whether you jump full in or hold back and observe. Relatedness also involves your perception as to whether you are ‘in’ or ‘out’ of a social group. People naturally like to form ‘tribes’ or cliques where they experience a sense of belonging, however they want to do so at their own pace and in a way that fosters SAFE connections.

How can one foster safe connection and increase relatedness among groups?

•  Form work teams and ask each person what strength they can bring to the group.
• Share personal stories and information OVER TIME. Personalized introductions or energizers often work (but maybe don’t bring out the “introduction as an animal” one right away).   
• Incorporate small group or dyad/triad work to encourage safe sharing.
• Introduce mentoring and coaching opportunities among team players.

It’s not about increasing the number of social connections (or hands you shake) necessarily, but more about increasing the number of SAFE connections to increase productivity and positive relatedness responses. 

RTV #28 The trust building tango.

A year of Raising the Village - week #28: The trust building tango!

In the late 1800's the tango was the dance craze of the working class. A combination of latin, european and african influences, it is a dance that is filled with dynamic balance, turning, moving at a variety of speeds and, of course, a little romance.  The colloquialism, "it takes two to tango" is as appropriate on the dance floor as it is in community.

Village raising is a dance of action, process, balance and, like tango partners, trust. The trust between two dancers has always been intriguing. When there is an obvious level of trust between partners, a feeling of ease exudes. In our context, the work of building community partnerships and collaboration happens with that same sense of ease only when trust is present among those involved. Whether you are the one taking the "lead" or "following"  (oh my, the fun of a metaphor), there are things you can do to support the trust building process.

In the lead?

• share what you know...be transparent
• deliver on your promises 
• empower others to make decisions and represent the group
• be open and listen to everyone's opinions
• ask for feedback
• assume that others will do what they commit to doing without checking up on them 
• provide appropriate credit and recognition
• admit your own mistakes, errors in judgement and inability to meet commitments, every dancer steps on toes sometimes!

In the role of following?

• accept action items and timelines only when you know you can deliver
• be a staunch supporter of professionalism and confidentiality 
• disagreements happen, always treat other's opinions with respect
• be honest (enough said)
• don't take all the credit in a collaborative group
• lead from wherever you are (reality is that we all have leadership roles - particularly in a collaborative process!)

To build trust - you have to trust and be trusted. Take these ideas for a spin around the dance floor.  The ideas have been inspired by Glenn Parker and Robert Hoffman's book Meeting Excellence as well as tips gleaned from recent dance partners.