RTV #21: Who gets the job– the good listener, the good worker, or the good talker?

How communication and listening “hire” all three!

A Year of Raising the Village -- Week #21. Communication and Listening!

In Michael P. Nichols book, The Lost Art of Listening, he says that people are often promoted in work because they are good workers, or maybe good talkers. Listeners often don‘t make the cut, as the importance of listening can be forgotten within our team communications. He goes on to discuss the role listening can play in changing relationships; You don’t change relationships by trying to control other people’s behaviour but by changing yourself in relation to them.

Hmmm...got us thinking about how we can bring listening in to the change and growth process in relationships. If you are engaged in a relationship at work or within a community group that is leaving you feeling in conflict or down-right confused. Ask yourself these three questions.

Three Village Raising Questions

1. Examine your expectations: What do expect from the other person? How reasonable is this? How does this expectation (or can this) actually fit in with the person’s strengths and the way they communicate? What do you want and how are you used to getting this? What can you learn about your habitual ways of communicating and listening? Feel like a stretch? Want to try something new? (Go for it! Try this - Over the course of one day take note of how often you are listening and how you are listening.)
2. Ask questions that show interest...and listen to the answers: What are you curious about? What are you seeking to understand? How and when will you ask? (Action, grab a piece of paper right now and brainstorm all the questions you have for this person.)
3. Check in with yourself: When engaged in conversation, what will you do to stay in tune to whether you are reacting or waiting for your turn to reply rather than truly listening? (Hint, have a piece of paper handy and jot down a few key words so that you can clear your mind of your own “stuff” and come back to the person across from you).

We are about to launch our updated Raising the Village website – watch for the colourful new changes and services! Included on our main page will be a fun and informative Quiz - find out your Group Leadership Style. See what you gravitate towards (the vision, the heart or the action of the group). The quiz is another step towards celebrating your own leadership style (and other’s). Yet, another tool and another way to “hire” (and acknowledge) ALL types of leadership within our community conversations.

RTV #18 Chase new friends - using the golden rules of outreach.

A Year of Raising the Village. Week #18 The golden rules of outreach.

Outreach efforts are one sided attempts to "chase new friends." Done with the golden rules of outreach in mind, these efforts can go a long way in strengthening connections within a community. Done without consideration, these efforts can literally chase people away and, in the long run, make building relationships harder. Often, relationships have to be built from scratch and sometimes the process can be tenuous. Is there trust, knowledge or interest to work with? Here are 3 things to keep in mind as you plan and implement outreach efforts.


Golden Rule #1 Know who you are outreaching to. And we're not talking about the stereotypes and assumptions that are held about "those people" who need to hear what we have to say!!!! Find out about the real needs and values of your target audience. Be clear about the issues that matter to them (rather than the issues that you think should matter to them). Ask questions and be prepared to listen. Questions are a stellar way to learn and they also are a non-threatening first conversation. If you come bearing information - you will be perceived in a very different way than if you come open, with questions.


Golden Rule #2 Know what your own agenda is. It would be false to convince yourself that you didn't have an ulterior motive for outreach. If you name it and claim it, you become more authentic. A dose of honesty will go along way to build trust. Ask yourself, why is outreach important? What do we want out of these efforts? What are we willing to "give" in order to "get?" By finding clarity around your agenda, you can also more objectively evaluate your efforts. How are you coming across to your potential "new friends?"


Golden Rule #3 Know your stuff and know what part of your stuff has value for others. Be ready to communicate what you have to offer in a way that will be well received (this is where golden rules #1 and 2 come in!). Always be prepared - which means that consistency plays a big role. Consistency with your messaging, consistency with your intentions and consistency with your generosity. Be ready to exceed expectations.


Village Raising Tip: Making new friends takes work and heart. Take the time to consider the golden rules of outreach.

Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump...Heart Listening

Paul Born inspired us in last week’s Raising the Village interview when he said “The critical thing today is to listen to our hearts. This may be the most radical thing we can do for children".


Continuing along this community heart trail we decided to share some of our favourite heart-listening quotes. Not only do they align with Paul’s comments, they also help to illuminate caring connections and the working together spirit. Enjoy the heart thumping and please share your favourite quotes with us!

• I think of a gesture of love as anything we do that helps others discover their humanity. Any act where we turn to one another. Open our hearts. Extend ourselves. Listen. Any time we’re patient. Curious. Quiet. Engaged. ~ Margaret Wheatley in the book: turning to one another ~


• It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself...Serve and thou shall be served. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~


• For a community to be whole and healthy, it must be based on people's love and concern for each other. ~ Millard Fuller ~


• The next Buddha may take the form of a community, a community practicing understanding and loving kindness, a community practicing mindful living. This may be the most important thing we can do for the survival of the earth. ~ Thich NHhat Hanh ~


• Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives. ~ Sara Paddison ~


• Our capacity to listen puts us in contact with the wider dimensions of the world in which we live. It lets us connect to it. Listening can open in us a door, a greater sense of participation in the world. ~William Isaacs from the book: dialogue and the art of thinking together ~
  

At Raising the Village we have experienced the power that occurs when people speak from their hearts and engage other people’s hearts. Through shared stories, shared dialogue or shared experiences relationship shifts occur, shared leadership propels and collective relevance between village members is abundant. Engage the heart and you engage community.

Village Raising Question:
Children and families are at the centre of the village – how can we listen to what’s in their hearts? What are they telling us?

Watch for next week’s blog for Village ideas on hearing and engaging families.