The Parent Conundrum

If you were to draw a village like an archery target, children and parents would be the bulls-eye or the sweet-spot. This is the part of the target that scores the most points and makes the most difference because families are where the next generation starts. They are the units in which the growth and development of independent, contributing citizens occur. So when government and non-profit agencies plan for new policies and new services, it is this population that has the most at stake when decisions are made. The conundrum is how the service providers best engage the service users (families) to inform and influence their decisions. 

How can a group of early years community developers be responsive to a parental perspective that is inclusive of the diversity that exists among families? Families are as different as they come! And they are legitimately wrapped up in their busy lives, trying their best with what they have. It is important to consider how to give families the opportunity to share their thoughts in ways that fit their lives.

In our book, Raising the Village, we offer a list of ideas and considerations to engage families in community early years planning and decision making processes. There is no one way – no cookie-cutter approach.  It is essential that parents (and children for that matter) be given a voice! We want to gather more ideas and strategies that have worked out there around the world.

Here is our list (5 anyway) to get things rolling….

1 – invite all parents to attend all meetings

2 – service providers “be” the parent voice 

3 – select parent representatives or parent champions

4 – formal surveys (written, telephone or online)

5 – focus group research

Village Raising Question:

What has worked for you to meaningfully engage parents (and children) in community early years planning and decision making processes?

Thump, Thump, Thump, Thump...Heart Listening

Paul Born inspired us in last week’s Raising the Village interview when he said “The critical thing today is to listen to our hearts. This may be the most radical thing we can do for children".


Continuing along this community heart trail we decided to share some of our favourite heart-listening quotes. Not only do they align with Paul’s comments, they also help to illuminate caring connections and the working together spirit. Enjoy the heart thumping and please share your favourite quotes with us!

• I think of a gesture of love as anything we do that helps others discover their humanity. Any act where we turn to one another. Open our hearts. Extend ourselves. Listen. Any time we’re patient. Curious. Quiet. Engaged. ~ Margaret Wheatley in the book: turning to one another ~


• It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself...Serve and thou shall be served. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~


• For a community to be whole and healthy, it must be based on people's love and concern for each other. ~ Millard Fuller ~


• The next Buddha may take the form of a community, a community practicing understanding and loving kindness, a community practicing mindful living. This may be the most important thing we can do for the survival of the earth. ~ Thich NHhat Hanh ~


• Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives. ~ Sara Paddison ~


• Our capacity to listen puts us in contact with the wider dimensions of the world in which we live. It lets us connect to it. Listening can open in us a door, a greater sense of participation in the world. ~William Isaacs from the book: dialogue and the art of thinking together ~
  

At Raising the Village we have experienced the power that occurs when people speak from their hearts and engage other people’s hearts. Through shared stories, shared dialogue or shared experiences relationship shifts occur, shared leadership propels and collective relevance between village members is abundant. Engage the heart and you engage community.

Village Raising Question:
Children and families are at the centre of the village – how can we listen to what’s in their hearts? What are they telling us?

Watch for next week’s blog for Village ideas on hearing and engaging families.

How am I doing? How are we doing? ... Questions at the Heart of Community Work

A Raising the Village interview with Paul Born.


Tamarack – An Institute for Community Engagement has been a “go to” resource for us at Raising the Village for many years. We were ecstatic that the director, Paul Born, was able to take the time to answer our newsletter questions. Paul has been on a ten year journey and partnership to advance place based solutions to entrenched problems like poverty. As an author of three books and a person who loves the power of stories, Paul has extensive experience in helping organizations and communities develop collaborative action. His messages are sure to inspire!


1) What aspect of community engagement gets Paul Born fired up?

• Multi sector engagement and action really excite me -when at least three different sectors work together.
• Collective altruism is beautiful - when people work together for the benefit of others fueled by love. It is a time when the giver is also the receiver and the receiver is also the giver. I also feel that the study of collective selfless giving needs a lot more study. The way collective action fuels group - causes energy, healing and belonging.
• Vibrant Communities Canada is at a critical phase. The results are outstanding. Nearly 3,000 organization partner locally, using community engagement strategies have now helped 172,000 families in poverty.
  

2) As an advocate for collaborative action, how do you balance the many agendas that engaged citizens bring forward for attention? Asked another way, how can we honour the complex needs and passions in a community such as; poverty reduction, elder & senior issues, special needs, safety, improving public education, accessible health care, homelessness, child development vulnerability…the list goes on and on!
Do we really need to balance the many agendas of issue based networks or are we best to work at respecting and embracing the passion of each. I have come to the conclusion that most all issues facing communities are interrelated. It seems not to matter what issue you work on you will eventually impact the other. Can you really work at the children’s agenda and not care about poverty, violence or the environment or vice versa. We desire clean and well organized approaches causing us to worry about duplication and focus. What we are learning is that groups can work together and help each other. They do not need to compete. Rather they can embrace the agenda of the other. It would be wise to create a council of networks in a community. If for no other reason to advance the work of networks, build trust and find ways to work together.

3) How can people who are working together in communities with a focus on the early years relate to and participate in the work taking place at Tamarack, Institute for Community Engagement?

• We have a very active web site and tele learning platform. Everything there is free. You can choose from nearly 100 online seminars.
• Vibrant Communities has a large national network. Hamilton is the one city in the network that has specifically made their poverty reduction campaign about children.
• We have so much to learn from your network. Landon Pearson has truly inspired us.
• We would also welcome invitations to come speak at your events and conferences. These often build deeper understanding and can inspire the human spirit. Much joy.
  

4) Tamarack’s mission includes working and learning together to create and realize bold visions for the future. What bold steps must be taken for our societies to make children a priority? Any simple steps?


There are no simple steps or even bold steps required. The critical thing today is to listen to our hearts. This may be the most radical thing we can do for children. If we truly listened to the hearts of Canadians would we tolerate the level of child poverty and violence against children? The work we are called to is not just the work that entails doing. I feel we would be wise in this day of increasing chaos to stop and reflect and do the inner work and ask- How am I doing? How are we doing? This question will open us and will call us to seek healing. Then we can ask the question -How can I help? How can we help? The question of helping must come from a place of a desire for inner healing. These two simple questions have become so important to me. I want to move from knowing what to do to hearing what to do. I want to act from within. As chaos grows - developing the inner compass as Steven Covey called it will be more critical than ever.

5) Tell us about your new book: Seeking Community - Finding Belonging in Chaotic Times

I am writing about a paradox that I find in my own life. I am so busy, have so many people all around me, friends and family and yet I feel this overwhelming loneliness that the community in my life is not sufficient. I want more. I want to feel a sense of belonging and a co identity with others. The book is based on a talk I have given now over 100 times called Seeking the Possibilities of Community. Each time I give this talk I am amazed at the number of people who feel like me.So this book is written as a journey of trying to understand community and belonging in these chaotic times. It invites the reader to join in the journey to engage with me and each other and to ask questions and explore together.

6) What personally brings you a “sense of community”?

• A hug for sure
• A long dinner at a long table with long-time friends.
• Family: my family and my extended family.
• Children - yes children - especially babies. Babies are the strongest of all the human species. The greatest gift is to be able to rock a baby to sleep. They have the power to melt your heart, to dust off those corners where love is dormant, open the shutters and shine light on the soul. I am writing this to you from a plane - I moved seats so a mother could have extra space for her children. The last 3 legs of my trip a baby sat beside me with their mother. Each time the mothers apologized for what they assumed the baby would put me through. It was not long and we were all talking, the babies sitting with me - holding my finger and laughing. I felt so thankful and an empathy within me, not only toward the baby but also the mother and the other passengers. These babies pulled love and altruism right out of me. I felt at peace and a sense that all was right in me and in the world. This is my hope for community that it can help us feel and desire peace.
  
  For amazing community resources and further inspiration go to:
  http://www.tamarackcommunity.ca/ http://www.seekingcommunity.ca/ http://www.paulborn.ca/
  

More about Paul: he was the Executive Director and founder of The Community Opportunities Development Association (CODA) for 12 years, one of Canada’s most successful community economic development organizations where he also founded Opportunities 2000, a millennium campaign to reduce poverty in Waterloo Region to the lowest in Canada, which received the United Nations' Top 40 Projects Worldwide. His work has also been recognized with awards from the Conference Board of Canada, Imagine Canada and the Governor General of Canada.

Rethinking Group Values

www.wordle.net

Facilitators and community developers who work with groups often begin with the task of defining the group’s values. In the room there will be the eye rollers who mutter “good glory, can we just get on with it?” and the reflective eager beavers who are already waving their hands like primary school students wanting to be the first to say “respect, inclusive or honesty.”

Values are attitudes that motivate us to act a certain way. They are based on our ethical standards and are a measure of what is important to us. Values are going to be different for everyone. In a group, the process of defining group values begins to shape the common ground shared among individuals or organizations. This is important when people intend to work together on a project or share resources.

So how do you find the middle ground between the eye rollers and the eager beavers? Here is what NOT to do:

• Bypass the process completely to avoid ruffling feathers
• Skim the surface of the process and quickly gather the “off-the cuff” list of tried and true values that are, out of context, rather meaningless and not a reflection of the whole group
• Get all “existential” on everyone and immerse the group with lectures on ethical hierarchies, morality and anthropological lenses (yikes!)

To get to values that are useful during the course of the group’s work together and not just collect dust on an old flip chart paper or get buried in meeting minutes, try an adaptation of this 30-minute process.

• Let the group know that the next 30 minutes will set the stage for the working relationship of the group.
• Give groups a list of values (make sure there is space for “other”)
• Have people work ALONE, get them to mark the top 3 values that they feel are the most pertinent with the group and the project. To help people get into the value mind-set, ask a few questions such as: What does this group/project stand for? What do you see at the core of this group/project?
• Then work in small groups, have individuals share their 3 values and why they fit. Make note of ones that are the SAME and ones that the group really identifies with.
• Have the small group come to a consensus on the top 3 shared values from this collective list. Use your agreed upon consensus process. (See last weeks blog for more on consensus).
• Have each small group share their list with the whole group. After each presentation, allow time for people to pose questions about how each value relates to the group/project at hand.

For example:

Courage

What does this mean for safety? What are the fears about this project/group that would need courage to overcome them? What is at the essence of courage for you? What does it mean?

• Have individuals work ALONE again and cast a vote for their personal top 3 values.
• Have someone enter all the values into www.wordle.net to see both the collection of values that the group has identified surround the project and the values of highest importance (the top ones will be bigger – but the others won’t be lost).
• Post this, refer to it, and question it often. It can help during the group’s cycle of learning, planning and decision making.

Sometimes the most relevant group values are ones that not everyone understands how they fit at first glance. Through learning about and applying them, meaning emerges as people balance what resonates personally and what “fits” with the group or project.

Village Raising Question:

When was the last time you evaluated your own values?