Group Facilitators – practice the art of letting go.

In life there are certainly times we have to learn to “let go”- of things, people, or circumstances. Take a search through a local library and you will find numerous books giving advice on how to “let go” on many topics and issues; grief, relationships, medical circumstances, stress, fears, addictions and phobias. For some, “letting go” signifies a time of healing, personal change, and transformative growth. 

Facilitators, group leaders and instructors benefit greatly from practicing the art of letting go. Part and parcel of letting go, however, is making sure that we capture and internalize the lessons.

We were recently presenting two workshops, back to back. The first one was to our peers (fellow Early Years Community Developers). We were excited to share our thinking and our approach (highly grounded in adult learning principles) by engaging participants in constructing knowledge. This philosophy results in highly interactive Village Raising workshops.  As we tapped into the energy in the room, we perceived a participant or two as being un-engaged with the information and activities we were presenting. On this particular day (for a slew of reasons) it was enough to take us completely off our game. We allowed our perceptions to change our workshop flow and timing, sap our enthusiasm and question ourselves. As veterans of group facilitation, we are aware of many different ways to react when folks are un-engaged, but somehow being with our peers on this day, changed our response. We left the first workshop feeling we had not fully played to our strengths or provided the space for optimum connection and Village Raising…big time bummer. So what are two group facilitators to do? Blame others and get defensive? Curl up in the fetal position? Or…practice that art of letting go? We chose the latter.

Luckily we had an evening between the first and second workshops. In that time, we worked hard at identifying what happened. We discovered, through participant evaluations, that the workshop was still highly regarded by the majority of people. In order to learn, grow and then build our confidence back – we employed strategies of letting go.

We...

• Accepted that it is impossible to meet everyone’s expectations (the 10/80/10 principle) and that people engage in different ways.
• Readjusted our timing and content to allow us to achieve a higher level of energy and participation sooner in the workshop.
• Celebrated the positive evaluation comments and allowed those to inform our reflections and give us the foundation to build from. “We want to give more…(you insert here)”.
• Asked ourselves: How do we want to act that is consistent with our Village Raising vision? What really matters about this workshop/meeting? We re-confirmed our focus.
• Laughed and laughed and laughed. At ourselves, at our vulnerabilities and at life’s unexpected lessons.
• Allowed ourselves the time to process, learn and then “let it go”…

The following day we delivered essentially the same workshop to a group of people who were our “target” audience. It was a phenomenal day, filled with deep sharing, a-ha moments and positive energy. As co-facilitators we found our chemistry, rhythm and presence. Sure there were probably a couple of people that were less engaged than the masses – but we were able to avoid being derailed by them and continued on the right path of delivering a meaningful experience for the rest.

            

When life throws you a curve ball, pay attention, be open, learn from it and let go.

Village Raising Question:

What group “curve balls” can you more intently learn from… and then let go of?

Watch next week for tips from other authors that help prevent being derailed by group dynamics.

Be a Mischief-maker

Be a Mischief-maker!
Photo Copyright Tammy Dewar

We are huge Seth Godin fans. His little nuggets of counter-intuitive thinking evoke something deeply motivating and, to be honest, uncomfortable. His opinions shoot out like little burrs that get stuck in the brain and, frankly, bug us until we translate his “business” and “marketing” focused brilliance into something that is relevant as community developers.

His book “Tribes” appealed first because of the title with it’s very village-like sound.  For the first two/thirds, we found it validating and aligned with our penchant towards change and innovation; it was like preaching to the converted. By the time we got to the last 100 pages we were feverish with anticipation to sink our teeth into something.  He did not disappoint.

After closing the book we were determined to be more of a mischief-maker than I ever was before. He convinced us that leadership requires more bravery and if we want to change things, improve things and create a better future…we simply have to do things differently than what has been done before.

“If you are not over the top, you’re not going to have any chance at all of making things happen.”  (pg 86)

When we look around at the work done in the area of the early years and the people who have done the work, we want to celebrate the consistent, focused, caring diligence of these individuals who GET it (that our society can prevent many social issues by investing in quality early years for children). We are also compelled to shout out a call to action: Let’s not work our tails off to maintain the status quo! 

Usually fear gets in the way of positive change. Along with fear of the unknown (which takes a little confidence) there is the fear of being criticized. Lets not worry about potential criticism when we make great things happen. Lets reframe criticism as an earned “ badge of honour” because it means we have blown away people’s expectations. Let’s raise a little mischief and start being remarkable.

Village Raising Question:

How can you create something that critics will criticize because it challenges the status quo?

Sparkling Dream Catcher

Photo Copyright - Tammy Dewar

Think not of the things you do well but of the things you are proud of, the things that instinctively put a spring in your step or a song in your heart. (Raising the Village, 2009).

This statement takes me back to a time when I facilitated a young parent group. Picture a diverse group of young mothers gathered around a table in a school room, unsure of their connection to each other, or the parenting group. Intent on getting to the heart of working together, questions were posed such as, “What would you like to share with each other? How can we share things that matter to us?” Quiet was the response... until one girl spoke up.

“I can make dream catchers.”
“Awesome! What’s important about making dream catchers?” I asked.

This mother proceeded to tell the group how it was an important part of her culture and how she had made a special dream catcher to hang above her child’s crib to ward off bad dreams and bring restful sleep (and you know that statement has an impact on any new parent)!

This intimate disclosure of parental love was the spark to get the group ideas flowing. One by one, the participants expressed areas that fired them up- the sharing was phenomenal. Future meetings were planned based on identified strengths which brought personal meaning to each participant. The dream catcher session was a highlight! A group of young mothers gathered in a circle making dream catchers filled with colour and love for their children. As the young parent led the group that day, she not only instructed others how to weave and twine the materials around the rim, she sparkled with a deep inner confidence that was powerful to witness. The opportunity to teach her crafting skill (and something close to her heart) with the other parents seemed to take her to a place that was rich in belief – belief in herself and her talents. What resulted was a group connection woven through the dream catchers and the people... providing a feeling of voice, unity and strength.
Tammy

Village Raising Question

What makes you sparkle with confidence? How might you share your “dream catcher” sparkle with others in your community? Notice how this might build a collective strength.

Note: This story is edited and adapted based on a story in our book Raising the Village (2009).

Kitchen Table Meetings

Picture some parents gathered in the kitchen, fresh cuppa joe in hand, children playing independently in the next room. Nice, comfy, homey…Now picture how their conversation will change the way governments set policy, how families access services and how their needs as parents are better met. The CARS Process can do just that. CARS – acronym for Communities Achieving Responsive Services is a model for meaningful community consultation.

Growing out of a grass roots movement in northern Ontario, CARS co-founders Carol Gott and Jane Wilson have developed a series of steps to assist communities to build responsive, accessible services and supports for their own community members.  CARS is a community owned and community directed process that can be used to both improve how well present services respond to the needs of people and to help communities develop services that they presently don’t have – but need.

Armed with some templates and fact sheets (all available on the website www.carsprocess.ca), parents are encouraged to gather their voice. Some of the people that access services do not normally attend large community forums. They need small, informal gatherings to safely and honestly discuss their needs and to allow them to be both service “users” as well as service “leaders.”

The Kitchen Table meetings are step two of the CARS’ comprehensive ten steps towards working for change. The process goes beyond just stakeholder participation to true partnerships in action.

Whether you live in a rural and remote community with a small population of families or a large urban centre with thousands of potential kitchen table meetings – give voice to families.

Village Raising Question

What happens when service users do not have a voice?